The Vibe

It has been almost 4 years since I moved to Australia, a country full of positive vibes. I felt the positivity everywhere I went, in everything I did, within every person I met. Not a single person ever asked me a personal question and no one judged me. I loved the vibe Australia gave me. It taught me how to recover from the anxiety I used to have, it helped me forget all my problems and blossom to be independent and live life on my own terms. I felt blessed! Then eventually I felt like visiting my home country for my vacation.

I had only visited Sri Lanka once in the last 4 years and that was just for a short 8 day vacation. This time I was coming for 2 months. I was looking forward to being in Sri Lanka again. I had hopes and dreams, excited to meet up with my friends, to travel. I was counting days for my trip like a little child waiting for Santa Claus on Christmas night. Then the day finally came where I landed in Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka is an amazing country; beautiful; and it’s people are kind hearted. I love my country but I missed one key factor. I missed the positive vibe. 

I am a very open minded, open hearted and fun loving girl. I have so many achievements that I am happy and proud to talk about. I moved to Australia 4 years ago, started with nothing and after working hard all by myself, today I have everything. I have rented my own apartment that I pay for myself; I bought my own vehicle; I have no credit cards or debt; I have travelled all around Australia and in the verge of starting international travel; but the people in Sri Lanka don’t care about any of these. Instead they pry on my personal life and choices.

If I am out with a guy friend of mine I am judged. I am labelled. People don’t ask me if I am dating the guy or not. But instead they assume everything and ask when we are getting married. I treat all my guy friends and girl friends equally. However, I do have close friends, some I am closer with than others who I hangout with all the time. I love them all dearly, but Sri Lanka doesn’t see it that way. 

I have been in the country for 3 weeks now and all people care about is if I’m single, dating, engaged, married or planning to have kids. These are all personal choices that doesn’t concern anyone else. In Australia, I am free. In Sri Lanka I am old, unmarried, childless and I am expected to die alone. The negative vibe in Sri Lanka has called back my anxiety; the reason I left Sri Lanka in the first place. This narrow minded mentality in Sri Lanka is driving me crazy so here goes the answers to all your questions.

Am I getting married?

No, at this point I’m not interested in getting married. I am not against it and I have no problem with people getting married if they want to (it’s a personal choice) but I will not consider it for myself, unless I fall in love with a guy who genuinely wants to be with me. Besides, marriage is a legal bond, not an emotional bond. If you love someone you should trust them to be loyal to you. You don’t need to make it legal just to ensure they don’t leave. If you have love, if you have a good relationship, they will not leave you. You don’t have to bring the government into the picture. You don’t have to keep them tied. Just trust them.

Am I having kids?

As a child I was obsessed with charity, specifically in helping children in need. Ever since I was a teenager, through my school’s and church’s YCS Movement, I have visited and helped quite a few orphanages around Sri Lanka. My Advanced Level project was about giving our best to kids in need. I love kids, and the truth is regardless of if I have a partner or not, regardless of if I someday have my own kids or not, I’ve always wanted to adopt a child.

If I don’t have a partner to support me through this, that’s ok. I understand this is something that most people would be reluctant to do. Having said that, single parenthood is one of the toughest tasks that needs appreciation and support. It’s even more special when you take responsibility for a child who you did not create; a child who has lost all love and hope. This I will eventually do when I am financially stable enough to raise a child. It has nothing to do with if I’m married or not. And if I never reach this financial status, if I end up never having kids, that’s still ok.

Am I going to die alone?

Probably, yes.

Does it matter?

No.

Why?

Because I believe in God and in the midst of a million human opinions, the only opinion that truly matters to me is the opinion of God.  As long as I am living an honest life full of giving, as long as I’m doing my best for others without any expectations that is all that matters to know that even though a million people are against me, God is with me. I am not afraid to die alone because truly I am never really alone.

Don’t I need someone to look after me when I am old? 

Definitely not! A major misconception in Sri Lanka is that our kids should someday look after us when we are old. But the truth is, this is something we should do out of goodwill of our hearts and love for our parents. It is never a requirement to have kids simply because you are afraid to die alone. I don’t want to have a child just to make them look after me when I’m old. That is the wrong reason to have kids. If I end up do having kids they are free to move on once they are old enough, which means even if I do have kids, I’m probably still going to die alone; and I’m ok with that.

I may not be what Sri Lanka expects me to be. But God did not create me to please society. I am happy and proud of who I am today, regardless of if others are happy for me or not. Life is one big battle field and I am fighting every day for one more day of happiness.

I am writing this article simply to shake off the negative vibe around me that’s creating anxiety. I have almost 6 more weeks to go before I go back to Australia and during the time I am here I need to feel positive vibes. I need to know that at least one person cares for me regardless of my personal wishes or choices. I need to know that not everyone judges me. Maybe I am expecting too much from a narrow minded country, but I’d still hope for nothing but the best, for myself as well as for everyone else battling through life just like me.

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