She was beautiful, smart, talented and confident. She was everything I wasn’t. She was also sly, cunning with a mean streak hidden inside of her. I had often thought of her as a saviour; a guiding star. The shadow, the warrior; the sharper end of the sword. She was my defender.
She was a powerful soul, a flame. She was happy, crazy and lively, with a fire burning in her eyes. She always knew the right thing to say at the right time to motivate people, friends or otherwise. She also knew exactly what to say if she was to cut people down. She was an alpha female with a strong personality that people admired, and sometimes feared. She was amazing and I loved her dearly!
As amazing as she was, she sometimes made questionable life choices, often when it came to cracking jokes among a crowd, or men. She was sharp. I often facepalmed her in front of my friends. She would make a remark and instantly regret it. She would then look at me for an escape and I apologised to them behalf of her. She was out of control.
Her choice of men was a bigger problem. She often picked the weakest, most damaged guys and would try to fix them. This made me roll my eyes at her. Eventually, once she ended up getting hurt she accepted that they were unfixable in the first place, and gave up. I had comforted her on many occasions and had even cried with her. After all, I felt the same way she did.
I had felt it when she slowly started to give up. On life, on love, on hopes and dreams. After pushing boundaries for so long I felt her fading. I didn’t want her to go away. I needed her! She may be mean at times, and may be crazy at times, she may try to find love in all the wrong places, but I still needed her to be present.
She may be darker and more dominant, but I will always love her. I made her a promise after her last breakup, that if I ever felt her walk into danger again, I will stop her a defend her, and for at least a moment, I will be the dominant one. I know she will listen to me. She has to! After all, she is me!