Fear… What is it? Is it real? Is it a feeling? Or is it just a word? What does it mean to be Fearless?
Over the years many people have asked me why I named my blog Fearless Dreamz. Why Fearless? Why not use something else. If this was a motivational and a personal blog how did it end up being Fearless? Today I’m here to answer that question.
I was eight years old when I moved into my own room. I remember my parents trying to scare me into sleeping with them just one more night. But we had a vacant room in the house and as stubborn as I was I had already decided that it was time I started sleeping alone. After much fussing and many long discussions my parents finally agreed. I was getting my own room!
I remember jumping onto my bed happily on my first night. It was dark and my bed was facing the window with a skeleton of a tree right in front. The wind outside was so loud that the branches were knocking on my window. I felt the wind calling out to me. My parents insisted on keeping a night light on in case I got scared being alone for the first time. I sternly refused. How could I fall asleep with a light on? I loved my new room and I loved how it felt; and that was the first night as an eight year old girl I made friends with darkness.
For as long as I can remember fear has not been in me. It maybe strange but it’s true. There are occasions where I’m taken by surprise or shock when my friends jump at me from behind the bushes but as far as I know that wasn’t fear. Even as a child I was able to walk along the road late night all alone and not feel a thing. I had a swing in my garden on which I used to sit at midnight at count stars. Sometimes I’d forget it’s that late and run into the house only for the calling of my parents.
It’s not just that. The hardships I have faced in my life as I grew up only made me stronger. These helped me exercise my level of fearlessness. Sometimes I would push my boundaries to see if fear would ever overtake me. It never did. That was when I figured out that whatever happened in my life I wanted to face it, or more like I needed to. I never ran away! I didn’t feel one bit of fear even when I walked away from my own engagement, knowing what the aftershock would be like. Whatever the situation was, fear has never ruled me.
When I started this blog initially I thought long and hard about what emotions and feelings I would eventually write about. I thought of everything, except fear. I cannot write about it because I don’t know what fear really feels like. All I know is how it is defined by others. I can assume what it is like but I have never felt it.
I am capable of watching any horror movie at any time of the day, even midnight. I have never lost sleep over fear of anything even the most common one at the toughest situations, "what will happen tomorrow?" Fear of future, fear of not knowing, fear of ghosts or darkness, even fear of death; I do not know the feeling.
As much as being fearless can be a blessing I know that being afraid can also be useful at times. Fear gives us instinct when we are about to do something dangerous. It’s like taking an extreme sport. Even though my conscious tells me don’t do it because it could be dangerous, sometimes my gut says take a risk it could be fun. Fun – the word I always challenge myself with.
My blog defines me but fortunately or unfortunately fear isn’t a part of it. Maybe it is a part of my faith. Maybe subconsciously I’ve always known there is nothing for me to actually worry about or be afraid of. Maybe subconsciously even as an eight year old child I’ve always known I was never really alone!
"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil, for you are with me"
– (Psalms 23-4)
There must have been some reason God created me without fear. Whatever that reason maybe, all I know is that I am who I am because of it, and I am nothing but thankful for it!